My Teef Hurt.

FACT! I just drank a bottle of wine. I HAD to finish it! While I was pulling the cork out, I accidentally slammed the bottle on the counter top. The bottle got a little crack in it. So I had to finish the bottle! Everyone knows that booze starts to go bad as soon as you open the bottle. But now I'm thinking, "I hope I don't have any glass in my guts"

I just got an email about, "The coldest beer in town." In the email, they're bragging about how they have "ice cold beer". They serve there beer at 37 degrees.

After reading some of the email, I was like, "That's WAY too cold!" From what I remember, the colder you serve beer, the less you can taste the flavors. The delicate aromas are lost. Depending on the beer, it's best served  at around 42 degrees. Unless it's a darker beer like a stout or a porter. In Europe, they serve beer at room temperature. I got that fact from watching BBC America!

Oh wait! I finished reading the email. Yeah, they're talking about Bud Light. I was thinking they were talking about craft beers. Yeah, that's probably better that you don't taste it.

I guess you're correct random email! It's best that I don't taste THAT kind of beer. Any beer where CORN is the main ingredient, you probably don't want to really taste it.

I'm not your dad and I know I shouldn't tell you what to do, but I'm going to say this, "FUCK Anheuser Busch!" I'll elaborate on that statement later. It's sleep time now!

And This Little Piggy Went to the Bank!

Homer Simpson

Lisa honey, are you saying that you're never going to eat another animal again?

What about bacon?

Lisa Simpson

No.

Homer Simpson

Ham?

Lisa Simpson

No!

Homer Simpson

Pork chops!?

Lisa Simpson

DAD! THOSE ALL COME FROM THE SAME ANIMAL!

Homer Simpson

He he! Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, MAGICAL animal. He he he.

Yes Homer! All those delicious meats come from a magical animal, the pig! 

Pigs are magical? 

You must be thinking I'm a mad man! You must be thinking, "Pigs are filthy animals! I know cuz I've seen Pulp Fiction. In the movie, they say that pigs sleep and root in it's own shit." This MAY be a true statement, but they still are yummy! Not only do they taste great in my mouth, they'll soon be great for an organ transplant! An alcoholic's dream come true!

According to the Huffington Post, BBC News and several other new sites, animal to human transplants(also known as Xenotransplantation) are right around the corner! Maybe within the next five years!

I'm starting tomorrow! Tomorrow I will buy a pig. The day after that, I will buy a farm. And after that, I will be taking online orders for organs! And no, my farm will NOT be like the book, Animal Farm! I will treat the animals with respect. The animals will love me, until it's too late for them! And then I will have ALL the money and ALL the livers! *maniacal laugh*

The future is NOW! And by now I mean tomorrow. And tomorrow I'll still be waiting for my hoverboard!!!!