Drinking 101

Drinking 101
Basic information every drinker should know. And a few rules to follow so you don't get spit in your drink!

A few quick tips before class begins.

When going up to the bar, have your order ready! If you're at a busy place, bartenders can't go over the entire menu with you. If you're unsure, ask for the drink menu and step to the side while you decide. Or ask your friends. Even the person standing next to you will give you suggestions if you ask. Courtesy is key.

When drinking at a bar, if for whatever reason you have to leave your drink, setting a coaster or napkin on top of your drink is a sign of, "I'll be right back." This way, the barback or busser won't take your drink. This also helps reduce the chances of you getting roofied!

Now, everyone take a seat. Class has begun.

Happy Hour: A period of the day when drinks and selected food items are sold at reduced prices in a bar or restaurant. This is the best time to get drunk on the cheap!

Well Drink: A well drink is any drink without a specified liquor. For example, if you request a "rum and cola" or "screwdriver" or "Long Island Iced Tea", rather than a "rum and Captain" or "Absolut screwdriver." Usually will be made with the cheapest, bottom-shelf liquor, which is a bargain.

Draught beer: (also known as draft beer or tap beer) is beer served in a pub or bar from a cask or keg.

When ordering a drink.
Neat: Right out of the bottle.
Up: Chilled, and served in a cocktail glass
Twist: A thin strip of citrus peel. Default is lemon.

Domestic beer: Any beer brewed within the country you are in at the time
Imported beer: Any beer brewed out of the country you are in at the time

That's it for now. But we'll be back with more info in later post.

As soon as I can think of a good way to end my post, I'll add it to the bottom of every post. But for now, "this is it."

Reading is Fundamental!

Todays post is brought to you by one Benjamin J. This is some good ish!

Reading is Fundamental!

I don’t know about you guys, but I fucking love me some RuPaul’s Drag Race. I missed the first season, simply due to not knowing it existed, but I’ve been an avid fan since the second season. Today I want to discuss something that they do which is a regular feature, occurring once per season (I think). No, I’m not talking about Snatch Game, which is their equivalent of Top Chef’s Restaurant Wars (credit to Harmonie for making that analogy). I’m talking about doing some good old reading!

For those not in the know, according to the show the drag slang term “to read” means roughly to insult, roughly to review. I’m given to understand it’s a real term, and it seems likely it comes from backstage cattiness. Picture one queen on stage, doing her thing, and two other queens cracking wise on her outfit for being too matronly, or her wig for not being humongous enough. These backstage bitches would be “reading” the onstage performer.

On Drag Race, the segment goes like this:  one queen is given a pair of “reading glasses”. She then goes down the line of the remaining queens, giving each a little bit of trash talking. The goal is to be clever and funny, and to base each insult on a grain of truth or a running theme. It’s like a Friar’s Club Roast of dudes wearing chick clothes. So, like a Friar’s Club Roast of Bea Arthur.

Now, I am not a drag queen. I’m not even an executive transvestite. Pretty much everything I know about their culture is filtered through Miss Ru’s little show, which is over the top, played up, shilly to the extreme, and essentially not a documentary (or docky-wocky, as they’re called). Regardless, I think I have a pretty good idea about why the queens do this, based on observation and analysis. In fact, I believe the segment is a natural evolution of real behaviors. Much like Restaurant Wars, in fact.

One, they’re dudes. Under all the makeup, the fake boobs, the padded butts, and the extraordinary wigs, they’re dudes. And dudes rip on each other. That’s a pretty significant part of the dude personality. Speaking in general terms, if two guys are getting along, they’re probably spending a not-insignificant portion of their time insulting each other. Or punching. It’s how we roll. Any slight difference is pounced upon, expanded upon, and referenced continuously. Much like the “reading”, it tends to not be malicious. For example, my friend Kelly is a year and a month older than me. Most of the world’s population is older than him, yet he is the butt of all of our age jokes. I know it’s ridiculous, but it doesn’t stop me from asking him how delicious the turkey was at the first Thanksgiving, or if he was sad when Caesar crossed the Rubicon and he couldn’t go with him because he was already too old.

Two, they’re drag queens. I can’t exactly imagine the kind of bullying each one has had to put up with over the years, in some form or another. There’s a couple of ways of dealing with bullies, and my favorite has always been humor. Laugh at yourself before they can laugh at you. Barring that, you can laugh at them with your friends later. Being into drag tends to be a filter. You don’t get a lot of queens that don’t have a sense of humor. If you take your cross-dressing too seriously, then you likely either do it at home behind closed doors, or out in the world and try to pass. Either way, you don’t put on a wig the size of Marmaduke, lip synch with elaborate choreography, and call yourself a “diva”. These queens’ experience with bullying, and their senses of humor come together perfectly in the desire to “read” their friends (or competitors) and to take their turn being “read”. It’s all in good fun, it’s not vicious (normally), and it takes away some of the power of others to hurt you.

Finally, the “reading” is done in a session. Of course, they may insult each other and fight for real on other occasions, but the idea of stopping everything and beginning a “reading”, going straight through it, then ending it and going back to normal is like a pressure release. It’s a tension-breaker. And if I understand the things these queens go through to look like they do, I can understand the need for a tension-breaker.

So, that’s my analysis of a phenomenon that may just be made up for a television show that I watch. Stay tuned for next time when I analyze the crippling, addictive compulsion modern consumers feel toward spending by exploring an episode of Supermarket Sweep.

A Funny Thing Happend on the Way to the Con

WonderCon reviews! Since I'm not the best at reviewing things, I forced some friends to do it for me! I have dirt on them!!!!

But before we get to that, let me tell you about the pre WonderCon party. Prepare to be jealous!

Thursday night(the night before WonderCon) I attended the Hero Complex WonderCon party. Yes, that's right kids! PARTY! The party was hosted by Geoff Boucher(writer for the Los Angeles Times) and held at the  Discovery Science Center. It was a great way to kick off WonderCon! Did I happen to mention that the Discovery Science Center is currently showing the,  Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination exhibit. And since it was a party, they had to have booze! The event was sponsored by Sapporo(good beer.) What could be better then science and booze, Bill Nye would approve. But a full review will be posted shortly. Not by me, I don't remember the entire night. 


But lets move on. Here is the first review. This one is written by JDazzle. Yes, JDazzle. That's not his real name...

WonderCon 2012 – Anaheim!

When I first heard that WonderCon, San Diego’s little brother, was relocating to Anaheim, I was shocked!  I had always thought that WonderCon would remain in the San Francisco area.  I’d also thought that any chances of a Comic-Con International convention coming to Anaheim died with the SDCC relocation debacle just a few years ago.

As the convention details slowly came out, I was excited.  They got the big comic publishers (Marvel and DC) to come out!  They got some video game publishers (Nintendo and Capcom) to attend!  They even got some movie studios (Fox, Universal and Sony) to showcase their upcoming films.  This was amazing to me after several WizardWorld conventions failed to provide the same big names.

Finally, the first day of the con started and I got to see what they were able to do.  The first thing I noticed was the exhibit hall.  Using only one of Anaheim Convention Center’s halls, they were able to create a mini-SDCC feel.  Wide, carpeted aisles with no empty booths to be found anywhere kept me hopeful that this would be successful.  Everything I wanted was there… except the guests.  Friday was a low attendance day and it had me worried that WonderCon would not be successful in Anaheim.  I found out the next day that I had nothing to worry about.

Saturday started off VERY busy.  The parking situation was pretty bad, with traffic backed up 1 block in every direction from the con and Disneyland’s Toy Story parking lot.  While offsite parking with free shuttles was offered at Angel Stadium, I did not find it an ideal option as I hate waiting for shuttles.

After finding a spot and walking to the con, I immediately noticed the crowds.  Excited guests were everywhere!  The exhibit hall was packed and the wide, carpeted aisles filled up quickly.  Saturday was Movie Studio day and I quickly got in line for the presentations on the 3^rd floor ballroom, Anaheim’s version of SDCC’s Ballroom 20.  

I got in easily compared to Movie Studio day at SDCC, I later found out that some of my other friends were not so lucky and missed out on the Abraham Lincoln and Prometheus panel, the first one in the room that day.  For those interested in the size of the room, imagine Room 6ABCDEF from the San Diego Convention center (the “old” big room from SDCC about 10ish years ago) and you would have a good idea.

I left after the first few panels, thinking I’d be able to come back later… the HUGE line found when I walked out proved me wrong.  I discovered later that the entire 3^rd floor was closed off due to capacity a few hours later.

The final day was busier than Friday but less so than Saturday.  Panels were easy to get to and even the 3^rd floor ballroom, while mostly full, could be re-entered after leaving.  TV studios took their turn in the ballroom and we got to see new episodes of Once Upon a Time and Community and then hear from the cast of Fringe and Alcatraz.  The con ended with Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog… all in all a good con.

One side note, parking at Disneyland’s Toy Story lot was easier in the morning on Sunday, but it became a pain to leave after the con.  I think the only weak link for WonderCon’s first (and hopefully not last) time in Anaheim was the parking situation.  However, now that everyone knows the crowds it will bring here, I’m sure solutions can be figured out for next year if it stays! *crosses fingers*

Up next is Gina. Yes, A GIRL! FYI, copy and paste are my friends

 WonderCon was awesome this weekend. I had such a great time. I
went to a few panels. DC all access, Superman vs The Elite, and I
stayed in the ballroom all day Saturday and most of Sunday. The free
swag From the Abarham Linclon Vampire Hunter/Prometheus panel was
awesome. If you haven't seen the posters they gave out you need to
check them out. They kick ass! My favorite panel or panels I should
say ( I have two ) were the Alcatraz and Fringe ones on Sunday. I love
both shows and it was pretty awesome to see almost the entire cast of
both shows. My favorite moment this weekend by far was being able to
tell Maggie Grace (who played Shannon on LOST and was there to promote
her new movie, LOCKOUT) that I loved her in lost. It was AWESOME!!!
    The floor was alot of fun. I spent most of Friday checking out
all the booths. Most booths were smaller then I expected but since it
wasn't too busy it worked out great. My favorite booth were these guys
that had a zombie comic and did all kinds of cool zombie related
activities. My favorite is the zombie beauty pagent they have in
Riverside every year. I'm glad i checked it out.
    All in all this past weekend was great. It wasn't busy at all and
most lines for panels were fairly short. I'm hoping it'll stay here in
Anahiem for the next couple years. Lets all cross are fingers.


And last but not least, Lenny!


Wondercon 2012

What do you get when you have a cheerleading  competition in the Arena, Volleyball in Hall D, and a bunch of nerds in Hall E? WONDERCON 2012! 

     Usually, this convention takes place in San Fransisco, but due to renovations, it took place at the Anaheim Convention Center for the first time!  Fans were drawn to Wondercon from Friday, March 16 through Sunday, March 18, 2012. 

     I had the opportunity to attend the festivities, and let me tell you it was AMAZING!  Friday was a slow day for con-goers and a great day to check out the floor.  Surprisingly,  Wondercon seemed to be more dedicated to the artists and the realm of comic books. The whole left side was pretty much artist alley. Many independent artists were there selling and giving people the opportunity to buy prints or original pieces of art. One of my favorite artists, Eric Powell (The Goon, Billy the Kid's odd time oddities) was on hand in artists alley as well. He had a spotlight panel there, but seemed he had nothing prepared.  Sadly, he had no art for sale as well.

     Saturday was a busy day. We got there late due to rain and parking being a clusterfuck. We finally arrived at around 1:00. Our day was going to take place in the ballroom to see the Prometheus panel. Unfortunately, we couldn't get in. 

    Luckily enough, my friend had two tickets to the Q and A session with Ridley Scott at the Downtown Disney AMC!  SCORE!  However, he only agreed to trade with us if we saved him a spot in line for the Looper panel. We agreed, got our tickets and took a cab. Made it in time and saw the new trailer twice in 3-D and got a sweet poster when we left!  We had heard later on that evening that they were showing a special screening of Cabin in the Woods at the Gardenwalk, but decided to stay home and get some sleep instead.

     Sunday was a day I had planned on staying inside the ballroom for a day dedicated to television.  Saw panels for Alcatraz, Fringe, Once Upon a Time, and Community. Dan Harmon, creator of Community, is awesomely insane. 

     They finally ended the show with Dr. Horrible's Sing-along blog. People were singing, laughing, and waving their hands in the air. 

     All in all, Wondercon was enjoyable. Not as bad as San Diego Comic-con, but great for what they had. What I really liked about this convention was the days in the ballroom:  Saturday was dedicated to films, and Sunday was dedicated to television. 

   So long Wondercon! It was great to be a guest and I hope you'll be back next year!

    

      

Sent from my iPhone



Copy and paste. Copy and paste. Copy and paste. Copy and paste

Things I've Learned

Rainbows happen when unicorns fuck. Dolphins are gay sharks and they will rape you. No really, they will rape you! Life is what you make of it. If you're bitter and angry, life is going to suck! And if your life sucks, learn to swallow. You'll enjoy it better. AKA roll with the punches. AKA if life gives you lemons, blaa blaa. Cologne and body spray are a great way to cover up a night of drinking. Nothing in life is free! But if it's worth it, you won't mind paying for it tomorrow. Change happens. Nothing you can do to change that. See what I did their?!! Faith is not fact. The Internet has more then just porn on it!  Wisdom does not always come with age. Never trust a big butt and a smile. A bird WILL poop on you during your lifetime.  Girls fart. Beards are itchy.  Using the phrases, "Just saying" or "no offense" is an excuse to be mean. I have a short attention span. I would like to thank my friend Lenny! Without him, my post would be full of spelling and grammar errors.

How To Get Drunk Under $10

(Just wanted to let the readers know, this blog is all in good fun. Please do not do anything you read in this post! Learn from my mistakes)

While doing research for this article I discovered, I'm not very original. This subject has been written about! It's understandable. There are a lot of people that enjoy getting a good buzz without spending too much money. So I decided to put a little spin on this subject. I'm changing the title to, "Top Ways To Get Blackout Drunk Under $10."

Before we start, lets go over a few rules that will help you on your journey.

Rule #1. Drink on an empty stomach. Eating fills up your stomach and takes up room that alcohol can fill. 

Rule #2. If you're planning on getting drunk, DON'T DRIVE! Not only is drinking and driving illegal, you might scratch up your car pulling into your garage/parking spot.

Rule #3. Get drinks that have a high ABV(Alcohol by Volume)

Rule #4. Don't make any plans for the next day. You'll need the next day to recover. 

And now, here are Top ways to get blackout drunk for under $10

1.  Have your birthday at a bar. 

Having your birthday, or any kind of party in your honor at a bar, is a great way to get free drinks. Remember when you were younger and had birthday parties? Remember how you got presents just for being born?! Well, now you get booze...enjoy! 

2.  Invite your friends/family over to watch the game.

Most people when invited over, will bring a bottle of wine, pack of beer or a bottle of liquor. Make sure when inviting people to specify what kind of alcohol to bring and you'll provide the food. Frozen pizzas and chips are an inexpensive way to fill people up. 

3. Be attractive. 

Pretty people are always getting free drinks in "da clubs". The down side to that is, you might get drugged. It's a roll of the dice when excepting drinks from strangers.

4. Boxed wine.

Boxes of wine are sold in every liquor store. In any store that sells liquor for that matter. You can even find them at Big Lots! Boxed wine is also portable. Take the bag out of the box, tuck it under your shirt and walk in the club with is. No metal detector will be set off. Once you're in, head to the bathroom and chug a lug!

5. Hard alcohol in plastic bottles.

I'm sure the first thing that comes to mind is Popov vodka. But there are actually vodkas and other liquors much more affordable then "name brands". Most grocery stores have they'er own brand of liquors. And if you have a "club card", you'll be able to save a little more.

6. 4Os/malt liquor

Not just a hobos friend! 4Os are a great way to start off a party. Or better yet, have an Edward 4O Hands party! What's Edward 4O Hands you ask? That is when you tape 4Os to each of your hands, and you must leave the 4Os on your hands until you finish both bottles. I find it best to chug them ASAP, since I have the bladder of a child.

 7. Beer.

Don't drink anything "light". "Light" beers may be lighter in calories, but they'er also light on the alcohol content. The best ones I've found are, Natural Ice(5.9% ABV), Bud Platinum(6% ABV) and Bush Ice(5.9% ABV). They may not be the best tasting beers, but they'll get the job done. 

Welcome

Have you ever found yourself on the toilet with nothing to do? Welcome to Read It While You Poop. We're not here to change the world, we just want to entertain you...while you poop.

In future updates, we'll have articles that range from nerdcore to popwhore.

But let's "keep it real". My writers and I work Mon-Fri, just like most of you. So this blog may not be updated as often as you'd like. But it will be updated at least once a week.

So sit back, relax and enjoy the coming attractions.