Saturday, January 19, 2013

Bottle 1.

Happy New Beer Day! I suggest you go out and try a new beer today. Why? Why not!?

Today I'm going to attempt to do my first ever beer review! The first time is always a little scary. But I'll do it anyway!

Beer: Tangerine Wheat Ale by Lost Coast Brewery

Beer Style: Fruit Beer(A generic form of flavored beer, some breweries actually use real fruit or veggies, though most use an extract, syrup or processed flavor to give the effect of a particular fruit or vegetable. Usually ales, but with not much ale character to them and commonly unbalanced. Malt flavor is typically hidden with a low hop bitterness to allow the fruit or vegetable to dominate.) - Beer Advocate

ABV(alcohol by volume): 5.0%



Now that we know what we're drinking, LET'S DRINK! But lets use all of our senses. And don't forget that, this is my personal opinion. Everyone has different taste.



Sight: It's gold in color but with some haze and a tad bit amberish. Like when you're drunk and looking at a sunflower, but not a real one. The color is more like drunkenly looking at a Vincent van Gogh sunflower painting...kind of.

Hearing: When I put my ear to the glass, I hear hundreds of popping sounds. As if carbonation is natures bubble wraps. Or something like that?

Taste: A little thin(not watery. I'm just use to very bold flavors, like from an IPA or Stout) I didn't really taste much when it first hit my tongue, but as I swallowed(that's what she said), the flavors started to come out more. Citrus, tangy but with a dry finish. Also, I didn't mind the burp taste. That would be the taste left in your mouth after you burp.

Smell: Straight up tangerines! Well, more like artificial tangerines, but still.

Touch: It was wet and cold.









Thursday, January 17, 2013

Awkward Nation!



Warning! Parts of this post are gross and will offend you. Enjoy!

I hate my body when I burp and some vomit comes up.

That awkward moment when you poop, it plops and then the splash back O_o

Stepping bearfoot on a Lego! #FirstWorldProblems

In the middle of the day, remembering that you only put deodorant under one arm. (I hope I'm not alone in this one)

The End


Thursday, January 10, 2013

Release the Kraken? NO SIR!

INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT TIME

Carlos is looking at himself in the mirror reflection of his phone while on the toilet, pooping. Carlos is talking to himself.


CARLOS
Cool story bro! Tell it again! Next time you 
should add some dragons and shit!


Voice in head
Dragons? That's a GREAT idea! I love dragons! 
I wish dragons were real!


CARLOS
I hope you're just drunk and don't really mean that!?


Voice in head
Heck yeah I mean it!!! It'd be awesome if dragons were real! Seeing them flying around, I would love to live in a world where dragons, unicorns, fairies and other magical/mythical creatures roamed the earth!


CARLOS
(mumbles under breath) You're a fairy. 


Voice in head
WHAT!?!


CARLOS
Nothing! I was just saying that, that's a horrible idea!


Voice in head
No it's not! I've seen How to Train a Dragon! It's possible to train them!


CARLOS
First off, that's a cartoon movie. Hollywood spins lies and fairy tales. Second of all, if dragons were real, they'd be a WILD animal, which would make them untrainable, just ask Siegfried and Roy about training wild animals!


Voice in head
Too soon!


CARLOS
Too soon? Siegfried and/or Roy got mauled in 2003! 


Voice in head
But still...


CARLOS
Anyways, what I'm saying is, if dragons were real, they would be flying around, recking havoc, destroying buildings, and giving everyone irritable bowel syndrome! They wouldn't be fun and cute. They wouldn't be the way Hollywood makes them out to be. Unless you're referring to Harry Potter. That dragon was out for blood!


Voice in head
Why must you always kill my dreams?


CARLOS
It's the only hobby I have.