Wreck-It? He's gonna damn near kill it!

Here's another post written by Ben.


Wreck-It? He's gonna damn near kill it!

Coming to a theater near you this November 2 is the next Disney animated feature film, Wreck-It Ralph. You can check out Disney's official movie site here: http://disney.go.com/wreck-it-ralph/

This movie has me pretty intrigued, guys. The concept is simple, yet beautiful. Wreck-It Ralph, the villain from a fictional 80's arcade game, Fix-It Felix, Jr. has been doing the same thing for thirty years, and now he is sick of it. He escapes his game, and goes on a series of adventures. John C. Reilly stars in the titular role. Based on the trailer, I've been really thinking I'm going to enjoy this movie. The Disney site features a version of the game from the film you can play online. It's pretty legit, too. It plays a lot like an older style arcade game, except the difficulty is a little low. At least, I can play it way longer than I have ever been able to play Donkey Kong.

I read an article on BoingBoing recently where they compiled some story notes from Pixar tweeted by story artist Emma Coats: http://boingboing.net/2012/06/13/storytelling-the-pixar-way.html

The storytelling techniques expressed there are so simple, yet they can lead to such well-grounded, well-developed plots. It's odd, because if you stick to a formula, then technically aren't you being formulaic? And isn't that a bad thing? But somehow, these guys stick to a formula, and it works. The one that Wreck-It Ralph makes me think of the most is, "#4: Once upon a time there was ___. Every day, ___. One day ___. Because of that, ___. Because of that, ___. Until finally ___." You could tell a million stories that way, and, with effort, all million of them could actually be interesting in their own way.

My old man always told me there were only three or four stories, and the one I remember the best from his example was "I go on a trip." Seriously, you can boil a lot of movies down to just that. Which is not to say that just having a movie with a trip is enough. Adding all the additional flavor and motivation and realistic conflict can make all the difference. I am eagerly anticipating finding out if Disney made the difference here. I want to like this movie already. Let's see what happens

Crazy Movie Theories or "the man" Cover Ups!? part 1

Today we start a series of "crazy" movie theories floating around the internet. We'll start with two today and others as time goes by.

First up, The Matrix.

Zion is part of the Matrix!


and this is where I copy and paste...

The Theory:

In Revolutions, Neo's powers from the Matrix have seemingly transferred into the material world. For instance, he can "see" (despite having charbroiled his eyeballs) and also manifests the power to blow up machines with his mind. This has been a pet peeve with fans who note that this makes absolutely zero sense in the context of the Matrix universe.

But one theory posits that Neo's sudden, convenient-to-the-plot superpowers were possible since he never left the Matrix at all.

These fans figure "Zion" and the whole world Morpheus and the other "free" humans lived in was a separate Matrix unto itself, a second layer of the computer program to let some people think they had escaped. Thus it makes perfect sense that Neo would have magical powers in what he thought was the "physical" world.

Next movie is, Aladdin

Aladdin takes place in a post apocalyptic world! 

copy and paste time

In one scene, Genie calls Al's clothes "so 3rd century." Genie has been trapped in the lamp for 10,000 years, so there's no way he could know of the fashion trends which have happened since he's been trapped. Which means the latest Genie could have been trapped in the lamp is the 3rd century. If he spent 10,000 years in there, it is now AT LEAST the year 10,300 AD when he gets out.

Conclusion: Aladdin takes place IN THE FUTURE. A post-apocalyptic world where only Arab culture (and some Greek) survived. It has been so long that the name "Arabia" has been corrupted to "Agrabah." The Muslim religion has atrophied to the point where there are no mosques, Imams, or prayer mats, but people still give praise to Allah in moments of happiness. Amazing technological marvels left behind by the previous civilization, like sentient flying carpets or genetically engineered parrots which comprehend human speech instead of just mimic it, are taken for granted by the locals or considered "magic."

Ben Reviews Starbucks Freebies - Based Solely on the Cards

Hello, everyone. This may be the first of a continuing feature around here entitled "Ben Reviews Starbucks Freebies - Based Solely on the Cards."

You see, the local independent coffee house, Starbucks (now with more than 5 locations), in addition to tasty beverages with silly size names, has offered, for a while, free digital downloads of...things. At first it was just songs, which would have been easier to describe. I could have said, "Starbucks gives out free song downloads," and be done with it. This era, the so-called "Just Songs" era of Starbucks downloads, lasted for a while. I know I've been picking up the download cards for quite some time. I would say that a pretty fair percentage of the books in the bookshelves in my house contain a Starbucks free song download card nestled within them, resting after performing quite adequately as a bookmark. The cards are the size and shape of, and are constructed of similar material to, business cards. They used to feature the name of the band or artist, the name of the "track" (is that term hopelessly archaic now? I know they're not called "grooves", so I don't know for sure if it's a reference to vinyl, but somehow "track" is more prevalent than just saying "song", so I thought I would switch. Maybe people want to say "track" to keep the door open to discuss spoken word selections), and a picture on the front, and instructions for how to download, for free, the song (I'm taking it back. They're songs, darn it.) on the back. I've downloaded many of these songs, and I had the idea a while back to offer my reviews of the songs as part of my civic duty. Then I had the idea that I don't know dick about music, and nobody should have any reason to respect my opinion about music.

Recently, I went to a Starbucks, and had to ask the baristas where they kept the cards, because I could not see any. They reached under the counter, found several unopened boxes, and presented me with four freebie cards, in a slightly different format than that with which I am familiar, and with the strange new addition that none of these four cards are for songs! Starbucks has now branched out, it would seem, and is offering free downloads of TV episodes, books, and apps, based on my sample. With such a wide-ranging variety of free shit, now, more than ever, I MUST review them for you. I have much more experience with expressing opinions about TV episodes, books, and apps, but still, I do not think I will do a traditional review. No, instead I will do something that sharp readers have seen coming since the beginning:  I shall review these Starbucks freebies based solely on the cards!

Card:  TV Episode
Show:  Anthony Bourdain:  No Reservations
Episode:  Naples

So, apparently I can watch a whole episode of Anthony Bourdain. This is a really good idea, actually, because Anthony Bourdain is bad-ass. I like this show very much, yet I never seek it out. This should be a good one, too, because unlike some of the farther-flung places he visits, I might even actually go to Naples one day. The picture shows Anthony sitting on some sort of curb, or low cement bench sort of thing. Not the most attractive pose, because he kinda looks like he's on the can. That would be an entirely different show; Anthony Bourdain:  Pass The T.P. The picture is oddly green-washed, which looks so out of place I almost think it was an error at the printer or something. Based solely on the card, I give this TV Episode a 7 out of 10.

Card:  TV Episode
Show:  BBC America's Planet Earth
Episode:  From Pole to Pole

I've already seen this episode, so I have to take points off for that, I think. Repeats. Sheesh. Planet Earth was a brilliant show. Very cool to watch in HD. Not much plotwise, I must admit. Just a bunch of nature doing its thang. The picture shows a bunch of elephants and birds walking around somewhere, but it's shot from such a high angle that you see space and the curvature of the Earth. Something's wrong there, I don't think you should be able to see an elephant AND the curvature of the earth in the same shot. Clearly they're trying to show you, "Hey, look, elephants. That's nature, so you know this is a nature documentary. But see how the ground is all curvy and you see space up top there? Doesn't that remind you that Earth is a planet!? Branding!" I'm going to give this one a 6 out of 10.

Card:  Book
Title:  After Friday Night Lights
Author:  Buzz Bissinger

Okay, Buzz Bissinger sounds like Kim Basinger's reverse-drag queen name. I like the name Buzz. That's either some ballsy parenting (naming your kid Buzz, and hoping he leans more toward the haircut and Aldrin than toward just straight getting buzzed every night), or a dude who has taken his nickname so to heart that he publishes books under it. Either way, big ups. Unfortunately, I don't like the picture. It's just a picture of the cover of the book, apparently. It looks like a football field after dark, with the lights on, and nobody home (the football field is "home" in this sentence). Then the title is in black on the bottom of the cover on top of a big yellow patch. It looks like Cliff's Notes, but I also feel like I don't even want to read the Cliff's Notes of this book, much less the whole book. I have heard that Friday Night Lights is an okay series, but I never watched it. If this is the sequel to the book that the TV show is based on, that's not selling me too hard. 4 out of 10.

Card:  App
App:  Kayak Mobile PRO
Description:  Search trips from flight to hotel and beyond.

Guys, I think I actually used to have this app. I had it because I had Fandango, which had a big F as its icon, and I decided to get apps with U, C, and K for their icons so I could spell the f-word out in apps on my phone. It was a worthwhile use of my time, obviously. Based on how I roll, I don't feel like I need an app to search trips from flight to hotel and beyond. I guess I should say that most of my opinions are based on how I roll. Upon what other criteria could one express an opinion? Although, that "beyond" part sounds pretty good. I guess I can see searching "beyond". I had to search "beyond" the couch the other day for the dogs' tennis ball. The picture is of the app icon, which is a big white K on an orange background, but for some reason it has a black horizontal line halfway through it that doesn't help. Unless the idea was to think of those old-timey clocks where the numbers flip down into place white on black cards. There's a banner on the bottom right corner of the icon that says "Pro", which is good prestige. So, useless app, but prettyish icon, and it can help you spell naughty words. 5 out of 10

I hope you enjoyed this installment of Ben Does That Thing In The Beginning (too lazy to copy and paste). Stay tuned (because one tunes in websites, I assume) for further reviews, and keep watching the skies!

I need a better thing to go out on.

Save Steve Holt

Drunk Time is Now!

For those of you that don't know yet, the beloved show, Arrested Development will be making it's triumphant return to the little screen next year, before it makes it's debut on the big screen(according to the internet)

Everyones favorite characters will be making a comeback...except for Steve Holt.

What's that you say?

 You love Steve Holt and you can't wait to see him again? If that's what you're thinking, you're dumb and you haven't been reading this post! I just told you he won't be in the new episodeds!

Don't worry kids! The movement to bring back Steve Holt has begun!

http://www.savesteveholt.com/

By going to this website, you can help the cause.

This isn't the late 80's/early 90's where you can just replace a character and no one will notice!!! We care. We love. We notice the changes!

So, I say to you good people of the internet, Don't let the "man" keep us down! Bring back Steve Holt! You can make it happen! Go to the website for information on how to do it. Do it now! Save the nerd world!

Drunk time is now!